This Child of Mine
by DigiExpert
Summary: He reflected on the past and the choices he had made. With every choice, he limited the paths he could take, and chose career over family. Now, he regrets this course of action.


**Well, I believe this is the first fic ever done that's centered around Halconf. The idea for it came from a Linkin Park song - Numb. While the song does not really line up with the father/daughter dynamic, some of the lyrics do echo this pair.**

He'd watched her grow up from afar. She was everything they'd dreamed she'd be, and yet, he'd focused so much on using her to gain the respect of his fellow dignitaries that he'd forgotten to treat her as his own- his daughter, his child. And now she was gone. Forever, if he understood correctly.

The squeaking of the wheels echoed off the walls as the nurse rolled him down the hall. It was the place that was supposed to be his home, but it hadn't seemed like such for a long time now. It was his fault. His position often kept him away on trips, leaving his wife and daughter alone with the staff. After his wife had passed away, he'd stayed away even more, too afraid to go back to the memories that tore at his heart. His child had grown up in the care of nursemaids and tutors and servants, being groomed to become one of the finest ladies in Simulacrum, as well as a future Sibylla.

She had grown into everything he had dreamed she would be. The day she had received the title of Sibylla Aurea had made him proud, but he had not told her this. He regretted not doing so. He regretted a lot of things when it came to her. He had loved her without demonstrating and she had pulled away from him in the end, doing things that went against his wishes, and most of all, made him lose face to those who watched him in the government.

He wondered if perhaps there was a way to go back in time and fix the mistakes he had made when it came to his family. If he could go back and fix the way he'd acted to his wife and after her passing, would that make him a better man? Could he repent his sins with Tempus Spatium and make things right again? No, he must be getting too old; no one could redo what had already been done. He had made his own choices and now he had to live with them. His choices limited the paths he was able to take.

"We're here, sir. Shall I leave you for now or accompany you inside?"

"I'm fine here. Thank you." He waited as she opened the door, and then he wheeled himself inside. The door closed behind him and he let out a heavy sigh.

Without his position on the Council, he had nothing to do but pass by the days studying texts he had not had much time for as Vice Chairman. He pushed aside the heavy tomes on his desk and instead searched for something else. He pulled open one of the side drawers, and his eyes settled on an album that he'd placed inside and forgotten about. He pulled it forth and set it on the desk, flipping open to the first page.

There on the very first page was a photograph of him and his wife together. It was one he'd long since forgotten about. He felt his chest tighten, but it was not as bad as it had been all those years ago. Long pink hair tied back elegantly and a smile that lit up the room were her most notable features. He smiled and looked to the next page. Swaddled in blankets was their newborn daughter, just a few days old. Had it really been nearly nineteen years since that day? How much time he'd lost!

Page after page he flipped through, snapshots and glimpses into bits and pieces of his life that he had pushed aside for a career. In the end, it hadn't been worth it. He couldn't have prevented his wife's death, but he could have prevented losing his daughter's trust. She had never told him to his face, but he had seen it in her eyes. She had rebelled against his expectations, and he had pushed back against her, a cycle that was endless and destructive.

He recalled all too well the fire in her eyes when she reacted to the changing of pairs during one of the final flights. She had stood up for her pair, the one she felt she aligned with. He knew that deep down she was correct and should be with the upstart auriga, but it was not what the Council had wanted. They had been displeased enough with his performance. Between choosing to stand up for his daughter and doing what the Council had expected, he had chosen his career over child. It was a choice that shouldn't have required any thinking, and he hadn't given it much thought when he gave an answer. It just wasn't the answer that was morally right. At that moment, he knew he'd taken things too far.

As he closed the album, he wondered if perhaps his daughter wasn't happier as an eternal maiden. She'd broken free from under his care and he knew she was easily capable of the task she'd taken upon herself; she was raised to do so long before she became a Sibylla. She'd taken the auriga that the Council had worked so hard to keep away from her. Or rather, the auriga had made sure it was so. If his hunch was correct, then the two were connected as more than just a pair. They formed the true human bond, one that surpassed any limitations the Council could have placed upon them.

Back into the desk the album went, tucked away for another time. His hands moved the wheels of his chair and he maneuvered toward the window. Tired eyes looked to the bright blue sky, and he wondered where she was at this moment. What was the Emerald Ri Majon truly capable of? Surely, she and her pair had completed it and lived. In his heart, he was sure that she was alive. He wished that for a moment, he could see her again and tell her how proud he was of all that she had accomplished. He wanted the chance to be a real father to her, but he knew that like so many other times, he had made a choice that restricted him from doing so. He would always live with the knowledge that he could have done much more, and had not been able to. Perhaps… perhaps his daughter would make choices that would give her a better future than the present he had now. Surely Tempus Spatium could answer this one prayer of an old man.


End file.
